The wrong reasons
by EmilyRose97
Summary: Jesse tells Rachel his reasons for thier break up, but will she accept them? St Berry angst/ happy ending.


**I promise I'll update my other fics soon… but a little one shot that came to mind yesterday. R&R :) Oh, and guess who's probably going to the glee concerts? :D**

**Italics are the flashback ;)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, would I be sitting here writting fics... :(**

"Look Jesse. I think we should talk about why we're actually here." Rachel said, looking at the boy sitting opposite her.

They were sitting in a café in the middle of Lima. Rachel was still dressed in her pink shorts and green jacket, and Jesse was wearing his Carmel High jumper. They'd caught up with each other after New Directions performance of Give up the Funk.

_Rachel came out of the door in to the parking lot, where Vocal Adrenaline were shuffling back to their land rovers. She walked past, head held high, but she couldn't stop herself automatically searching for the curly hair that she knew was Jesse. He turned to look at her, and she saw something strange in his eyes. He glanced at his team before stepping towards her._

_Rachel just stared at him. The look in his eyes was scaring her; it was something she'd never seen before, except in very small quantities. It looked like sadness, remorse, insecurity. Not three words she'd usually associate with her ex boyfriend. As he walked towards her, her heart beat faster. He finally stopped in front of her, looking solemn. _

"_That was a very nice dance number." Jesse said quietly, watching her. "Almost as if you knew that Funk was our weak side."_

"_Why are you talking to me?" Rachel asked him, not sure how much he could take. _

_Jesse just shrugged. He appeared to have lost his usual swagger._

"_Just wanted to check if you were okay I suppose. To see if what I convinced myself of was right." He told her, looking at the ground._

"_And what was it you convinced yourself of?" Rachel replied. Jesse looked up and held her gaze sadly for a moment before answering._

"_I convinced myself that it was for the best." He said simply._

"_For the best? How could it be for the best Jesse?" Rachel asked, incredulous. Jesse shrugged again._

"_I had my reasons." He responded, still watching her._

"_You know, I'd be overjoyed to hear those reasons. Because they better be good Jesse. I warned you." Rachel told him, beginning to speak faster. "I warned you what would happen if you played me, and guess what, you played me! I-"_

_She was cut of by Jesse's hand on her face, as his lips attacked hers. She was still for a moment, trying to work out how to respond, but Jesse pulled away, a small smirk finally creeping back on to his face. _

"_My reasons weren't for me you know." Jesse said, smiling slightly. "I managed to convince myself it would be better for you."_

"_I- I don't get it." Rachel stammered, caught of guard. "How can you doing what you did be better for me?" She asked._

"_Let me explain." Jesse told her. "But not here. Lets go to our café." _

_And Rachel, her mind still slightly numb from the kiss he'd planted on her lips, had allowed herself to be guided into his car._

When they'd first arrived at the café and sat down with their purchases, they'd sat in silence, watching each other. They had both secretly been drinking in each other's features, Jesse staring at Rachel's beauty, Rachel marvelling at Jesse's good looks. Eventually, Rachel had put down her vegan muffin and cleared her throat.

"Look Jesse. I think we should talk about why we're actually here." Rachel said, still staring at him.

Jesse sighed. "You really want to know? Because there's a lot to tell Rachel. Trust me, to convince myself to do what I did needed a list of decent reasons."

"Just tell me Jesse." Rachel replied. "I need to know."

"Okay." Jesse began. "Firstly, I know how important it is to you to be popular. And glee is the only place where you're anywhere near accepted. But when I came on the scene, you told me the team wouldn't like it. Kurt admitted to our faces that he'd never allow us to be the power couple. If you wanted to be accepted, I couldn't be with you. For both of us to be accepted by our peers, especially you, who I was most concerned about, because to be honest, my happiness doesn't matter, we had to split. They'll only every accept you with Finn, and as much as it kills me, I know its what you want, to be loved and have friends."

Rachel took another bite of her muffin, deciding to hear Jesse out before passing comment.

"Also, I find it hard to get close to people. When I was 16, a girl broke my heart. The first girl I ever did it with, and it turns out she'd been having an affair with my best friends." Jesse continued, a bitter tone to his voice. "I really loved her, I honestly did. The first girl I ever truly loved, and she hurts me so completely. So, now I go through girl after girl, and I crush each one before they can crush me."

Jesse looked at his empty coke can, and pressed his hand flat on it, demonstrating.

"It's a defence mechanism. As soon as I get close to someone, to preserve my own heart, I have to stop them from being there. I hurt myself over and over, in the hope that I won't let it get too far for me to be completely broken, like I was before. I can't love, I won't allow myself too."

Jesse took his eyes of the crushed can, and looked up at Rachel.

"I reasoned that you didn't deserve someone who couldn't love, not properly. Okay, I got close to people, and yes I do love them, but then I can't do it anymore. I can't let them hurt me. And you don't want someone screwed up like me." Jesse smiled. "You deserve someone who can love you without the fear of hurting you, who can fully give you their heart."

Jesse tried to gauge a reaction from Rachel.

"Do you want me to continue?" He asked. She nodded. "Well, once I'd convinced myself you'd be better without me there to hold you back, to stop you reaching your dreams, to stop you being popular and without the threat of being hurt, I had to convince myself to crack that egg on your forehead. But I had one simple reason for that. Okay, I argued with myself that it would hurt you even more, but in the end, I felt that the long run would be more important."

"You needed to get over me. I'd already realised we couldn't be together, and I'd already told you. I'd lied to you- you can't build a relationship on something fake, even if it became more genuine than I could have ever imagined, if the foundations are dodgy, it was always going to fall anyway."

"So, I thought you needed me to end it completely. I needed you to see how much of a douche I was, how mean I was, how I wasn't worth it. And by egging you, I thought you'd take that as the straw that broke the camels back. We could have got past the transfer, but the egging was inexcusable, and I'd hoped you'd feel that way."

Jesse poked the coke can.

"Well, that's me done." He said, looking at Rachel, whose mind was reeling from the things he'd told her. "To recap- I did everything because I honestly thought it would help you. I allowed myself to fall too deeply, and my usual mechanism didn't work. It took a lot of convincing to do it, so rather than using the preservation of my own heart, I reasoned that you'd be happier for it." He laughed slightly. "That's how far in I was. I put you ahead of my heart. And that's why I did what I did. For you."

"Why- why are you telling me this Jesse?" She managed to spit out, still trying to work out what her emotions were telling her, and really what Jesse was telling her. Jesse shrugged again.

"I suppose your Funk number got me truly worried and upset me. Then, in my weak state, I remembered all the stuff that happened, and realised I owed you an explanation. And here we are." Jesse told her.

"Jesse I- I don't know what to say." Rachel replied, staring at the boy she'd once thought of as soulless, and who she now realised was really just very selfless. And misunderstood.

"You don't have to say anything Rachel." Jesse told her, beginning to stand up. "You wanted to know my reasons, you got them."

"Okay. But answer me one thing." Rachel said. "Did you love me?"

Jesse frowned, not sure how to respond.

"Yes." He said eventually. "But that's irrelevant. I know that if I love you, I have to let you go. For both of us." He told her.

Jesse turned to go, and left the café. Rachel stood watching him for a moment, a fierce battle between her heart and head raging internally. Eventually, the heart that had been so destroyed won. She rushed out of the café.

Jesse was halfway down the street before he heard his name called. He spun around, and frowned as Rachel ran towards him. She stopped in front of him, looking him evenly in the eyes.

"They were all very good reasons Jesse." She told him. "Admirable reasons in fact. But I have one that should outweigh all of them."

"Which is?" Jesse asked.

Rachel gave him a small smile, and put her arms around his neck, knotting her fingers in his hair.

"That I love you, and you love me." She answered, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Jesse smiled as he kissed her back. In the end, his reasons weren't convincing enough. And he didn't care.

* * *

**Man, I miss this pairing so much. **

**Okay, some random angst/ cuteness. What did you think? **


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